Friday, June 21, 2013

It's Friday... You know what that means?


Since I wonder how many people actually read my blog, I am using the above video as a sort of litmus test. I will cross reference the number of pageviews I get today with the number of people that suddenly disappear from my Facebook and my Google+ accounts. This will tell me A: that they're dead and that this earworm of a song killed them outright. Or B: That I have offended my only loyal readers to the point they're no longer my friends and won't be reading my blog posts, but at least I'll know. And knowing is half the battle! G.I. JOOOOOOOOOE!!!

ONWARDS!!!

So, just how do you like your Terminators? Old with a few age wrinkles in odd places? Or younger and super inhumanly buff? Well from the rumors snagging at Collider and Screenrant, we're due for both! That's right, earlier this week Ah-Nuld, the Austrian Oak himself confirmed that he would be in Terminator 5 and it would start shooting this January for a mid-late 2014 release date. BUT the big story coming out of this now is the rumor of Dwayne Johnson being involved. That's right kids, The Rock! The Scorpion King himself could well be in this movie!

 Hero? Villain? It's all too early to say. But seriously, Dwayne should drop 'The Rock" as his moniker and re-dub himself "Movie Jesus, The Savior of Franchises" because at this point, that's what this guy does best! Surprised he wasn't up for Transformers 4, if ever there was a franchise that needed saving, it was that one! Digression over... The rumored story apparently will take place WAY back in time in the late post war 1940s or 1950's, either way before the Beatles came to America and time actually began. Lots of ideas are twirling and swirling about this. For one, even though Arnold said he'd be the titular robot, it makes you wonder if this time, he wouldn't actually be human? Maybe he is the template the later models were built off of therefor leaving Dwayne as the big Robot to do battle with in future installments. But then why go back to the 40s or 50s? Are they trying to kill John Connor's grandparents? Great Grandparents? If Skynet keeps going back too far in time they're going to accidentally kill the guy that invented the digital circuit and then they're really going to be screwed. SO until there is official confirmation of any of this BEYOND the involvement of Arnold, I say none of it's true. Stay tuned... But before we leave the topic of Terminator lets remember some of the moments the next franchise should avoid all together shall we?


Product Placement and Big Boobs Joke because the filmmakers were 14 year old boys

 Lets Make a Gay Joke because that's what we want in our Terminator movie!

Product Placement! "Experience the Power" get it? hehe, because Terminators are powerful! Uh... lame...

 I bet Maria watches this scene over and over again... but still, dick humor in our Terminator Movie.















I was going to do a series of GIFs from Terminator Salvation, but just looking at Terminator 3 again took the wind right out of my sails. Best to forget and move on to other news... 


ZAP!!! SCHAW!!! BIG EXPLOSIONS NEWS!!!

Well there isn't a whole hell of  a lot of news on this, I just love the fact that it's actually happening: Independence Day 2 - yes you read that right - has an official release date of July 3rd 2015! That means this show is probably going to get started shooting some time early next year! Is Will Smith coming back? Nope. Jeff Goldbloum? Probably not. Bill Pullman? Yeah he'll probably be back. Anyway the script is undergoing rewrites and the movie should be underway pretty quickly. Apparently this is supposed to end on a cliffhanger to set up ID4:3 or whatever the hell they want to call it. Color me interested only because I think it's funny they're not actually rebooting this 20 year old movie but continuing it. After the awful After Earth I am surprised Will Smith isn't actually signing on for this one. Apparently he'll turn down a good quality role like Django Unchained and to be in any crapular movie that reaches his desk.


OPENING MOVIES NEWS!

Well if you like your zombie movies neutered and gore free, apparently World War Z is the movie for you! The PG-13 3D "zombie" movie opens today and judging by the RottenTomatoes score, it will suck. At 68% it's still technically "fresh" but virtually all the critics acknowledge that it has problems, especially at the end. And who wants to watch a no-gore digital running zombies movie anyway? They say Brad Pitt is great in it, but so what? Sadly, given my nature, I will probably end up seeing this thing in theaters. I do have to say that from the trailers, all of the footage of Pitt with a strained face running fast, just makes it look like he REALLY has to go to the bathroom. 
See trailer for yourself:

Seriously... the dude looks like he has to poop. Funnier still is if you replace any mention of "end of world" or "humanity" with "not enough toilets," it really heightens the drama.


ALSO OPENING is the Monsters Inc. prequel Monsters University. This I can say, without any shame or hesitation, I will be seeing in theaters if not this weekend then very soon. I loved the first movie. Monsters Inc. was the first Pixar movie I saw in the theater and I loved every moment, from the opening credits, to the final shot of Sully opening Boo's closet door, it still to this day holds as my favorite Pixar film, which says a lot about me given how much The Incredibles blows me away. That said, the 76% RottenTomatoes Score tells me, only the most cynical dickheads of critics have anything wrong with this movie, all positive reviews are glowing, so there is a childish excitement in me that can't wait to see this one.

GOING WIDE...wow that sounds kind of dirty actually, but, no, Joss "Firefly is Awesome" Whedon's adaptation of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing is expanding from the five or so theaters showing it to a whole bunch more throughout the country. At least they're showing it here in Denver and that's what I care about damn it! Been looking forward to this one since it was revealed Joss had shot this opus right after finishing Avengers like 2 years ago. Now that it is here, it will be enjoyed, hopefully this Sunday if all holds to plan. But if I were you I would check my local listings ASAP because I've heard good things. 


And that Dear Readers is that... I am putting the finishing touches to an editing project that will change the world as we know it. Seriously. This thing is awesome, funny as hell, and sucking up a lot of my life so it should go live Monday morning. In the mean time, remember to never talk on your cellphone while doing your business in the bathroom... Think about it... poop flakes flying up out of the toilet, sticking to your phone that you touch with your bare hands and hold up to your mouth, which you then hand to your friend or small kid to play Angry Birds. No one should ever know you that well even on a bacteriological level. With that... see y'all on Monday! Leave your friendly supportive comments below, or if it's an insult, make sure it's a well conceived zinger!


 
  
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