Friday, June 21, 2013

EXTRA FRIDAY POST...Because you've been good all week and you've earned it!

You know that super secrete editing project I told you all about? Well, guess what... IT'S DONE! This took me HOURS of work to gather the assets, edit, fix sound issues etc. I was going to wait until Monday, but it's the weekend and you deserve something AWESOME to get your weekend off onto the right foot, or your left, I'm not biased toward those who walk funny.


My Man of Steel Parody Trailer...


Have a great, safe weekend and I will see you fine folks on Monday! Till then, don't drop the soap in the shower, it makes the tub slippery and that is a safety hazard...  
It's Friday... You know what that means?

Since I wonder how many people actually read my blog, I am using the above video as a sort of litmus test. I will cross reference the number of pageviews I get today with the number of people that suddenly disappear from my Facebook and my Google+ accounts. This will tell me A: that they're dead and that this earworm of a song killed them outright. Or B: That I have offended my only loyal readers to the point they're no longer my friends and won't be reading my blog posts, but at least I'll know. And knowing is half the battle! G.I. JOOOOOOOOOE!!!


So, just how do you like your Terminators? Old with a few age wrinkles in odd places? Or younger and super inhumanly buff? Well from the rumors snagging at Collider and Screenrant, we're due for both! That's right, earlier this week Ah-Nuld, the Austrian Oak himself confirmed that he would be in Terminator 5 and it would start shooting this January for a mid-late 2014 release date. BUT the big story coming out of this now is the rumor of Dwayne Johnson being involved. That's right kids, The Rock! The Scorpion King himself could well be in this movie!

 Hero? Villain? It's all too early to say. But seriously, Dwayne should drop 'The Rock" as his moniker and re-dub himself "Movie Jesus, The Savior of Franchises" because at this point, that's what this guy does best! Surprised he wasn't up for Transformers 4, if ever there was a franchise that needed saving, it was that one! Digression over... The rumored story apparently will take place WAY back in time in the late post war 1940s or 1950's, either way before the Beatles came to America and time actually began. Lots of ideas are twirling and swirling about this. For one, even though Arnold said he'd be the titular robot, it makes you wonder if this time, he wouldn't actually be human? Maybe he is the template the later models were built off of therefor leaving Dwayne as the big Robot to do battle with in future installments. But then why go back to the 40s or 50s? Are they trying to kill John Connor's grandparents? Great Grandparents? If Skynet keeps going back too far in time they're going to accidentally kill the guy that invented the digital circuit and then they're really going to be screwed. SO until there is official confirmation of any of this BEYOND the involvement of Arnold, I say none of it's true. Stay tuned... But before we leave the topic of Terminator lets remember some of the moments the next franchise should avoid all together shall we?

Product Placement and Big Boobs Joke because the filmmakers were 14 year old boys

 Lets Make a Gay Joke because that's what we want in our Terminator movie!

Product Placement! "Experience the Power" get it? hehe, because Terminators are powerful! Uh... lame...

 I bet Maria watches this scene over and over again... but still, dick humor in our Terminator Movie.

I was going to do a series of GIFs from Terminator Salvation, but just looking at Terminator 3 again took the wind right out of my sails. Best to forget and move on to other news... 


Well there isn't a whole hell of  a lot of news on this, I just love the fact that it's actually happening: Independence Day 2 - yes you read that right - has an official release date of July 3rd 2015! That means this show is probably going to get started shooting some time early next year! Is Will Smith coming back? Nope. Jeff Goldbloum? Probably not. Bill Pullman? Yeah he'll probably be back. Anyway the script is undergoing rewrites and the movie should be underway pretty quickly. Apparently this is supposed to end on a cliffhanger to set up ID4:3 or whatever the hell they want to call it. Color me interested only because I think it's funny they're not actually rebooting this 20 year old movie but continuing it. After the awful After Earth I am surprised Will Smith isn't actually signing on for this one. Apparently he'll turn down a good quality role like Django Unchained and to be in any crapular movie that reaches his desk.


Well if you like your zombie movies neutered and gore free, apparently World War Z is the movie for you! The PG-13 3D "zombie" movie opens today and judging by the RottenTomatoes score, it will suck. At 68% it's still technically "fresh" but virtually all the critics acknowledge that it has problems, especially at the end. And who wants to watch a no-gore digital running zombies movie anyway? They say Brad Pitt is great in it, but so what? Sadly, given my nature, I will probably end up seeing this thing in theaters. I do have to say that from the trailers, all of the footage of Pitt with a strained face running fast, just makes it look like he REALLY has to go to the bathroom. 
See trailer for yourself:

Seriously... the dude looks like he has to poop. Funnier still is if you replace any mention of "end of world" or "humanity" with "not enough toilets," it really heightens the drama.

ALSO OPENING is the Monsters Inc. prequel Monsters University. This I can say, without any shame or hesitation, I will be seeing in theaters if not this weekend then very soon. I loved the first movie. Monsters Inc. was the first Pixar movie I saw in the theater and I loved every moment, from the opening credits, to the final shot of Sully opening Boo's closet door, it still to this day holds as my favorite Pixar film, which says a lot about me given how much The Incredibles blows me away. That said, the 76% RottenTomatoes Score tells me, only the most cynical dickheads of critics have anything wrong with this movie, all positive reviews are glowing, so there is a childish excitement in me that can't wait to see this one.

GOING that sounds kind of dirty actually, but, no, Joss "Firefly is Awesome" Whedon's adaptation of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing is expanding from the five or so theaters showing it to a whole bunch more throughout the country. At least they're showing it here in Denver and that's what I care about damn it! Been looking forward to this one since it was revealed Joss had shot this opus right after finishing Avengers like 2 years ago. Now that it is here, it will be enjoyed, hopefully this Sunday if all holds to plan. But if I were you I would check my local listings ASAP because I've heard good things. 

And that Dear Readers is that... I am putting the finishing touches to an editing project that will change the world as we know it. Seriously. This thing is awesome, funny as hell, and sucking up a lot of my life so it should go live Monday morning. In the mean time, remember to never talk on your cellphone while doing your business in the bathroom... Think about it... poop flakes flying up out of the toilet, sticking to your phone that you touch with your bare hands and hold up to your mouth, which you then hand to your friend or small kid to play Angry Birds. No one should ever know you that well even on a bacteriological level. With that... see y'all on Monday! Leave your friendly supportive comments below, or if it's an insult, make sure it's a well conceived zinger!


Thursday, June 20, 2013

If Microsoft poos in the woods, does anyone care at this point?

In an all serious "WTF This Sucks" note... Yesterday it was reported James Gandolfini, Tony Soprano himself, died while traveling in Rome. As far as I've read, it sounds like a stroke or heart attack or a combination of the two were factors. The guy was only 51! Damn. The good go far too soon. I was a fan of the first couple seasons of Sopranos(didn't see the rest out of sheer laziness), I loved the guy in his limited role in True Romance even though he was beating the crap out of Patricia Arquette. I especially loved the crazy intensity he brought to that role, but also to other great films like A Civil Action, The Mexican, and The Man Who Wasn't There. And I especially enjoyed the lovable side he rarely got to display, but got a chance to showcase in fine form with Get Shorty as the ex-stuntman Bear. I recently caught him in Killing Them Softly and he was as always, excellent. I myself am pulling out my copy of Crimson Tide right now in a sad effort to give him an appreciative sendoff. Go slow up there big guy.

 Okay, I'm going to try and be funny now...

BIG Not Sad News of the Day!

Well technically it was reported yesterday, but whatever. Microsoft, in a brain fart of wisdom has officially reversed most of their controversial features for their upcoming Xbox One system. That's right, it no longer needs to connect to the internet at least once a day, and you can openly trade and resell your games! Unknown to me at this point is whether or not you still have to have that lame ass Kinect thing plugged in and facing you so Big Brother can catalog your face and voice tones when they need to create their army of cybernetic doppelgangers. But... Yippee, I guess! Too late to the party there Microsoft, maybe you can help clean up the mess you made? Oy has this been a thorn in the sides of gamers. As a casual gamer myself, I thought it was great watching a company shoot themselves in the foot over and over again, reload the gun, and then empty the clip into the other foot with their craptastic PR campaign. Glad they straightened out in time for launch, otherwise they were going to have a REAL hard time of it come fall. As with any system it's going to come down to games, if Sony wants to be smart, since they've already got a $100 price advantage, they should price their game exclusives cheaper than Microsoft's by a solid $10.

50 Shades of More News!

Yes! That is correct! The official 50 Shades of Grey adaptation has a director with Sam Taylor-Johnson. I say the "official" adaptation because as anyone with a broadband internet connection already knows, the stuff in that book has been done before... by a LOT of people, and can be easily seen with a simple search engine query. But who is Sam Taylor-Johnson? Well she's the wife of Kick Ass actor Aaron Taylor Johnson who is like 20+ years her junior. Beyond that I know she's a photographer... She also directed the 2009 indie darling Nowhere Boy, haven't seen the flick myself, but I've heard good things so maybe she'll bring something interesting to this coming of age story. It'll be really awkward if she casts her husband as the guy in the movie! Collider has it that Felicity Jones is in the mix as leading lady Anastasia.

Do I really care? Not really, but I think it's funny the number of A-list directors and talent that have been circling this thing from Gus Van Sant to Joe Wright. Especially odd is the fact that Universal Studios who is producing and distributing this opus is intent on releasing it as a straight-up NC-17 sexy pseudo porn adventure! Good luck getting that in theaters, since most theater chains absolutely refuse to project any movie with an NC-17 rating. I'm sure they'll make an exception since statistically 1 in 6 people in this country bought at least 1 of the 3 books! The fun is just beginning, since it's targeting a mid-late 2014 release, we should get final casting announcements around the time the first trailer is available, because after thumbing though the book and reading several uses of a triple-negative(seriously), there isn't all that much to shoot. They should make it a comedy to give it some social substance. That said this is going to sell like crazy on home video. I can picture it already, the 4 disc 3D Blu-ray will be called the "Special Whips and Chains Edition

Non-News Star Wars News!

Per Variety, it's being reported of a leaked casting breakdown for the new Star Wars Movie. You can read it here, but basically they're looking for young people and an old guy... so yeah... there you go. I know that spoiled the movie right there for you.

Well, that is it for today. Thanks for dropping by, and remember Dear Readers, that donut is not a substitute for human affection, it's infinitely better! Humans put up a tremendous fight if you try to dunk them in a piping hot cup of coffee and eat them. Donuts won't do that. They won't judge you or press charges if they manage to escape the cement cellar you secretly built in your basement and chances are they'll bring 11 more of their friends to keep making you feel better about yourself.    

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Wednesday is Hump Day, you technically can hump any day, don't let the title stop you.

If you're having a hard time getting your day going, try picturing that Morgan Freeman is narrating everything you do in your life. Got the voice pictured? Good. "He awoke, with copious amounts of sand in his eyes. As he rubbed the grit free from his ocular sockets; he felt the building pressure in his bladder, the small organ ready to burst from last night's consignment of delicious peach camomile tea. Rushing to the bathroom, he unleashes a satisfying torrent into the bowl preventing an almost certain doom." It works for sex too, but I'll let you create your own story, you don't need me to do that for you.

In Other News...

Whoa! Is there a lot to get through today so lets hop to it!

Any Dumb and Dumber fans out there? Well for the last couple years the Farrelly Brothers have been working on a sequel to their hit 90's film. After Warner Bros passed because apparently there into more highbrow comedy now like Hangover, and Hangover 2 - the film has now landed at Universal and is due to start filming this year. Dumb and Dumber To will feature the return of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in the roles that made them more famouser. The "story" centers around them trying to find one of their long lost children so they can get a kidney transplant... don't need to say more... I am sold!


This one's kind of a big deal...

That's right, The Legend returns. Our favorite 70's news anchor lives on in the 80's! First trailer looks great, can't wait to see what Harrison Ford brings to the mix. No seriously... he's in this one! What can I say that the Trailer wont do better justice? NOTHING! So give it a look and enjoy... this better not smell like Big Foot's D!#^


There is a freaking LEGO movie! I knew this one was coming down the pipe for the last couple years, but I'd written it off as a cheep CGI adventure that wouldn't be all that great, but from this first trailer, it looks charming as hell! Fun thing is it looks like they managed to incorporate all of their licensed characters into the mix. Not sure what the story is about, I don't really care, all I know is it made me laugh! Looks to be a charming movie for kids and adults or adults like me who still pretend they're kids so they have an excuse to buy action figures. Plus I love the jerky stop motion animation style. I just hope this isn't a one note joke that wears off 4 minutes into a 90 minute movie.


Well I guess there is a new trailer out for the Simon Peg, Nick Frost, Edgar Wright comedy romp The World's End and thankfully due to others reporting on it, I will NOT  be posting it. Why? Well in the studio's infinite wisdom, they have decided that it makes perfect sense to show virtually the entire movie in 2 and a half minutes. I hate spoilers, Loath them. If someone gives away the ending to a movie, I'll just say bad things happen. The government is still sorting out what happened the summer The 6th Sense was in theaters, they don't understand how that many people could go missing. Let that be a warning! After Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, these guys don't need a hell of a lot of marketing to convince me their movie is worth seeing. I'm already there, ticket bought! If you need to see a trailer watch the first teaser, that's good enough. August 22nd can't get here fast enough!


Well... apparently there will be NO  Mary Jane in Amazing Spider-Man 2... the person...not the drug, judging from the look of things, I'm sure the cast is smoking a lot of the stuff. But yeah, the super talented gal, Shailene Woodley was to have played the future Mrs. Peter Parker, but apparently only as a cameo, so not that her part or role was that big to begin with. HOWEVER it is weird to learn this news after the numerous set photos of her getting close and comfy with our neighborhood web slinger. My confidence meter lowers with this movie by the day. At least Jamie Fox looks the shit as Electro, so I guess I have that to look forward to!

Well folks, that is about all I have for you today, more news comes about every other second and I just can't keep up. I've had a hell of a migraine going all day so I better go put my head in a vice and start turning the crank... trust me it feels better. With that Dear Readers, if you are ever standing eye to eye with a homicidal chicken, man up like the Colonel, and turn the feathered son-of-a-bitch into Extra Crispy!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

It's Tuesday! AKA why is it harder to wake up than Monday?

I had the strangest dreams. The one I remember clearly was about a hyper-violent version of Back to the Future where Doc Brown gets blown up by a rocket launcher and Marty uses the Delorian to zip backwards and forwards in time so he could burst through the bad guys with the car. It was an intense dream I doubt Freud would be able to make much sense of. Either way I woke up looking like this.
Anyway...onwards dear readers!

Book News! Hate to admit it but I havent made the progress I would have liked. This blog plus my other feature pages have become a very nice distraction. When you start getting multiple page views from people living in Australia, Ireland, The UK, The Netherlands and Venezuela to name a few, it makes you want to write more! Better! Create awesome Gifs! BUT I do have to get back on schedule so I created a page count in the old screenplay I'm adapting to get through each day. If I stick to this plan, I'll finish my book before my birthday!

With that I will say, there may be days where I don't get out a special feature post like Movie Kid Memories, or Flick Show Ticket. For example I'm working on a new LaserDisc Archive edition for Species and Species II -  and that amazingly enough has been harder than it should've been. That second movie SUCKS on toast. I'll let you know when that one is up and ready for fun!


Any Sin City lovers out there? No, not Vegas, the Frank Miller comic series and movie? Well in case you missed it, Sin City 2: Electric Boogaloo was set for an early October release of this year. Well in the infinite wisdom of the producers, it has now been pushed back 11 months to late August 2014 leaving us with Machete Kills as the only Robert Rodriguez release this year. I remember liking Sin City in theaters but it's a movie that has not held up for me over the years and I liked the first Machete even less, so like the tagline for AlienVSPredator; whoever wins, I loose. I want to like his movies but his work feels like it's fallen off over the years. Pretty much everything after From Dusk Till Dawn has been a progressive dissapointment, with very few exceptions.


Speaking of Alien in a confusing roundabout prequel/sequel/not-a-sequel-at-all sort of way, Prometheus 2 is moving forward officially. It was always kind of assumed that we would be seeing a second adventure for Noomi Rapace and her Robot Friend, but development was slow and apparently there were script troubles that had FOX execs "FREAKING OUT!". Officially now according to Variety, they have writer Jack Palgen on to write the script with Ridley Scott (so far) only confirmed to produce which means there is a Director's Chair Gap that must be filled! We cannot afford a Director's Chair Gap! Sorry random Doctor Strangelove moment over... we may continue.

Since Ridley is pushing a Blade Runner sequel in addition to his Moses epic... it'd be tough for the guy to find time in his schedule. After the last one, that might be okay, I hate to admit. While I enjoyed Prometheus overall, I loved the themes of faith and life, death and rebirth, but WOW those characters sucked eggs. Noomi was great as Elizabeth Shaw and Fassbender was incredible as the android David, but with a crew of like 20 people on that ship, they were the only well rounded characters. Others were given so little time you didn't care. Others like Holloway were cast way too young, and then most of the characters made the DUMBEST illogical decisions possible. So on those levels, I'm glad to hear none of the original screenwriters are coming back. Maybe Palgen can figure out a clear direction for this beast to travel and hopefully connect with the original Alien films in a meaningful way.

It's been interesting reading and hearing other people's opinions after they've seen Man of Steel. Some are over the moon for it, and others outright loath it. The one complaint I keep hearing about that I think is kind of weird is about how you can see Superman's muscles in his suit or his hair didn't have a spit curl yadda yadda yadda. To all that my reply is simply this:

In the screenplay the description is actually written out as: "Nipples! Nipples! Butt! Crotch! Butt! Crotch!"

And then there have been complaints about the presentation of Zod as the villain. Iron Man 3 had that trouble too with The Mandarin, a point I complained about quite a bit. While most arguments bare some weight to them, I think we all need to let out a collective Comic Nerd Sigh and relax. The last 10 years have actually been incredibly kind to comic books and their cinematic counterparts. That's not to say they've all been winners, but I feel it's time to note that we've NEVER had it better than now! We should never forget the horrors that happened before:

And let's not forget this darling moment either...

 Sorry to have to do that to you... I know this brings back memories that we've all tried so hard to forget, but it needed to be done. I had to do it! I had to!

On that note - calling it a day and getting to work on my book! Be good dear readers and remember if your eyes start bleeding after sitting too close to the TV set, it's okay keep staring, that means it's working!


Monday, June 17, 2013

You see the Wolf of Wall Street Trailer?

What do you think? Myself? I totally dig it! Glad to see Marty back doing top flight drama again. Not that I minded Hugo, I actually liked it quite a bit, but I like it when he's back at "home" in New York. Wonder if he's looking to explore a new facet of organized crime in a metaphorical sense that is. Oliver Stone tried to go back down this territory in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, I just hope this one is a lot better than that needless sequel. Also it looks like we'll get another Oscar worthy performance out of Leo that will yet again go unnoticed. One of these days I hope this guy gets the golden recognition he deserves. Also nice to see Matthew McConaughey continues to help us forget Reign of Fire with his recent performances.

In other news... Sony has already scheduled Amazing Spider-Man 3 and 4 for 2016 and 2018 release dates. Color them optimistic. After that last movie, they must think they have a surefire winner on their hands with Amazing Spider-Man 2. Personally I didn't really care for the last one. I thought it was way to slow, the effects work was shoddy, the script was lame, and I never expected to replace "Nuke the Fridge" with "Turn the Cranes." I want to like this Spider-Man, I really do. I'm hoping Director Mark Webb learned some things during the last one, otherwise I doubt we'll actually be seeing this reboot franchise make those release dates.

In case you missed it earlier, my Man of Steel review is up, give it a look and leave your comments! maybe we can iron out what they did right and what they did wrong together. Also a kind of scary rumor is that the inevitable sequel is on such a fast track that we could see Man of Steel 2 in theaters as early as fall or Christmas 2014 with a Justice League movie by mid 2015. That would be insane, A: because that is too little production time to give any sequel let alone an entire team-up movie enough time to create a workable story. I call this rumor bogus with a chance for being stupidly possible.

Just so you're aware I have a new post up on Into the 3rd Dimension where I review the Blu-ray release of Titanic 3D. Is it worth it? You'll just have to read the review. But before you go there, I do have to tell you about an interesting piece of the production few if anyone ever knew about. Did you know Arnold Schwarzenegger was in the movie? I didn't either! But he was. His part was small but integral, some kind of emotional supporting character for Jack and Rose to lean on, so apparently it was really hard for James Cameron to cut his scenes out, but the movie was going long and the cuts had to be made. Only one sequence remains, apparently from the lower class party sequence. Sadly there is no audio but I was able to locate the video- Take a look for yourself!

wait for it...

wait for it...


Hope you enjoyed that! And if you want more humor in your day, go ahead and check out pictures of Fabio Picking Up Men... no... not like that. 

Well that is it for sure today, finally getting a new AC unit today so this summer might not be all bad! Be good young children, if you want to play a high stakes game of Operation attempt to free a stuck piece of toast from your toaster using metal tongs! - I'm not responsible for any parties or persons who attempt this being injured.

It's Monday... again... 

  Well I hope everyone had a great and relaxing weekend. Mine was pretty interesting, I went to my first dance lesson! No... not like Showgirls. That's not dancing. While I'm sure I could get the moves down, no one, believe me no one would want to see that spinning around a pole. No... no one should ever have to see me do that... Actually my wife and I took our first lindy hop lesson and I gotta admit it was a blast. It really worked the legs and it was probably one of the most complete total body workouts I've had in a long time. It's funny though as you start learning the moves, you get pretty confident. You get so confident you picture the way you dance looks something like this:

Yes, I know, that is actually a kick ass variation of the shim sham, not the lindy hop. But that's not the point. The point is I felt confident and awesome...until they made us change partners at which point I realized I actually looked a bit more like this:

I'm still learning so I should be forgiven.

In other news... 

Man of Steel opened this weekend and judging from the box office, it was a pretty successful opening weekend taking in $125million domestic and another $71.5million overseas for a worldwide take of nearly $200million this far. What does this tell us? Well, a lot of people went to the movies... it's hard to break down the success of Man of Steel without hard ticket sales numbers. So far, there is no info on the number of 2D vs 3D screenings. The real test will be next weekend when we see how many people listen to word of mouth. Judging from the split reviews on RottenTomatoes and from friends, some loved it, some hate it so that's up in the air. Kal-El is also getting stiff competition from World War Z and the kid friendly Monsters University. What did I think of the movie? Well you're going to have to head over to Flick Show Ticket to get my review. I'm evil like that!

On the cool news of the day front, there is a new international trailer out for Riddick! Have a look wont you? 

  I gotta say, I like what I see here. The teaser and the first full trailer were pretty cool, but it looks like our favorite antihero has gone back to his roots. I was a fan of Pitch Black, I thought Chronicles of Riddick was okay, but it took the character and put him in a roll he never should have been in as a true hero. You gotta remember this guy is a murder and a criminal. Sure he's got some sort of moral code, and he is a bad ass, but that doesn't make him a nice guy! Still though, looking forward to this one.

On that note, I'll leave you for this morning. If something cool happens during the day I'll make you awares. And remember dear readers, don't abuse turtles. You never know... that one you flipped over onto its back could come in contact with glowing radioactive ooze, get really big, learn mad ninja skills and then find you and kick the ever loving crap out of you. Same goes for wolves, bores, and rhinos.