There is a Lot of Pretty Hair in This Movie!
What can I say, I enjoy a good bad movie. Bad movies can be endlessly entertaining and can become the focal point for people to come together, unite under one banner to laugh so hard at something so awful that when they leave the theater the audience shares a collective bond of having survived something so terrible their eyes can scarcely believe what they saw.
One such movie is Samurai Cop.
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My Hair Is Attacking My Head!
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Made in 1989 on a flimsy budget by veteran bad movie direct to video cassette writer director Amir Shervan, we are exposed to the story of a cop with the most beautiful hair, Joe "Samurai" Marshall played by Matt Hannon who is on a quest to rid Los Angeles of the evil Fujiyama gang who are selling drugs to kids through schools! Oh no, those bastards! Yup that's our basic plot there folks. Making this whole venture even more fun is the reason why Joe carries the nickname "Samurai." You see Joe was trained in Japan by "the masters" then he was brought over to San Diego to fight the gangs and now he's in L.A. and has only been on the job a week but he's become a pain in his chief's ass as we are graphically informed constantly. Joe is also a man with the ladies bedding a few and flirting with many; even though he's easily mistaken for one with that long hair that is intermittently permed or straightened... but is always fabulous!
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Insert penis joke here
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Following our hero with the head of hair around town is his token black guy partner Frank played by Mark Frazer. Between the two of them we get enough jokes about how the Chief can't burn Frank's ass anymore, because it's already black to make the entire audience silent. Yeah. In the moment you're shocked and then you realize this was made in the late 80's and that kind of thing passed for macho humor, I guess? Then we get an abundance of penis and circumcision jokes and more racist humor distributed by Frank and a smattering of good ol' sexual harassment that the whole movie quickly becomes eye rollingly awful in all the best ways.
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"What'd you say about my chin?"
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But the real star of the show is Robert "That Guy Has a Little Face" Z'Dar. This guy is a B movie legend with nearly 120 credits to his name with more in production! Given top billing in this farce, he plays the number one enforcer of the Fujiyama gang, Yamashita. Yeah you read that right. Yamashita. We're never told if he's actually supposed to be Japanese or if he's an honorable Japanese warrior because he follows the way of Bushido and carries a sword. Eh, you could hurt yourself thinking about these things. We actually don't know his character's name until so late into the movie, that when the audience heard it for the first time everyone let out a collective "Yamashita?" Japanese, American, who cares! Z'Dar sells this thing and makes the movie.
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Z'Dar was trying to run away from the movie
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Being a bad movie from the late 80's early 90's you also need to know that our heroes and villains are playing this thing with the infinite ammo cheat code turned on. They never seem to run out of bullets nor do they ever have to reload. Bringing the whole thing home is when they actually shoot someone - you can literally see the paintballs fly across the screen and pelt their targets in bursts of bright red paint. If that wasn't enough to sell you on this incredible piece of popcorn action trash, you get the spaztastic awesome climatic sword fight between Z'Dar and Hannon. The film is sped up to a comical effect that has to be seen to believed. Their arms flail about, swords clang and clatter, eyes bulge, faces grimace, and they change locations at least a dozen times in the fight. It's great, it's amazing, and it's hilariously incredible!
With a name like Samurai Cop what did you expect? It's really, really bad in all of the best ways possible. This entire movie used to be up on youtube for free, but somehow someone got the rights for this beast, gave it a full HD restoration(seriously) and is somehow legally selling it on DVD and distributing it to theaters. So, if this one happens to make it to your local specialty theater don't hesitate to buy yourself a ticket and bring as many friends with you as you can! You won't regret what is easily one of the most entertaining movies you can watch drunk, or sober. Highly Recommended
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